What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
