I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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