I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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