just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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