I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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