She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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