it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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