The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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