I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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