i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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