I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
