Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
