Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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