If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
