so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He better not be in your backpack
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
