Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
