Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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