You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
