I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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