i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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