I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
