tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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