I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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