The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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