Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
