Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
