I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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