I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need moral support for this bender
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
