I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my liver is dry heaving
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
