Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Enjoy the penises
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
