i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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