Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me I should be a condom model.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
