I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
