Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
