i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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