I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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