you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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