people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
