hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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