i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Pooping to opera.
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