so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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