if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
