my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
