i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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