remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I touched a dick in church today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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