I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
