the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
