I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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