the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
