I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
