When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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