thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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