fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
