i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
