I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
