Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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